If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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