I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize