Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Someone signed my nipple.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
