all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
