Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize
