I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
