the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
