Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
