the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
