shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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