sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
