he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
