Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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