My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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