i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
