Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
