You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
