Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
