but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize