oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
