Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize