is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
