Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
