This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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