DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You don't make any sense
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