So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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