Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize