hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
