You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
