I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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