I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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