My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
