I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
