Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
