Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
