and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
