The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
