oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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