The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
