Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Your penis caused this!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
