I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
