She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
