I'm gonna have a badass scar
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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