I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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