i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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