DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's shark week go big or go home
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
