If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
