I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
