I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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