I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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