alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
