I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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