i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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