Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
