Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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