his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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