Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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