meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
