I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize