And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
