It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
