Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
