It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
