Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
