I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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