I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
