oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
