It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
