there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
